PERSONALITIES of Business Diplomacy: The Watcher

I met “The Watcher” about 10 years ago while serving as the Vice Minister for the Armenian Commerce Ministry. I was negotiating for a hotel in the capital city of Yerevan and was prepared for a long and tough negotiation with the land developer. What transpired absolutely floored me.

Serj (not his real name) was an older man, plain-dressed and unassuming. He was pleasant to talk to and he was a good listener. He also had keen observation skills. Of course, it was clear that I was nervous about making this deal; it is one thing negotiating a commercial deal and something else entirely when you are a civil servant working for an impoverished country.

Serj’s eyes never lost track of my hands, my body position and my eyes. I was aware that he was reading me – watching for non-verbal cues to guide his part of the conversation. So I gave him a few cues to read – all that I knew and dared to offer. I kept my arms open, used my eyebrows to emphasize key points, tilted my head toward him and so on. Serj did not mock my cues and he certainly was not reading me to show his superiority or command over the conversation. Instead, he telegraphed cues to let me know that he was open to discussion and that he respected my position. He also made it very clear that he was eager to consummate the deal as well. The long and short of it is that the negotiation ended well – I got almost everything I wanted from the deal – but I was surprised by how quickly we reached our accord.

The negotiation was short because we were both aware where the mutual ground lay. By reading me, the Watcher also made me conscious of my own part of the conversation. Instead of the usual back and forth (point, counter point, interjections and objections), we stuck to the agenda and drilled the deal points quickly, efficiently.

A year or so later I read several books and discovered that there was actual science behind non-verbal communications. I also discovered that certain kinds of words provoke emotional reactions whether we intend to or not. I don’t have enough room in this article to explain every nuance. I suggest that you either Google some keywords or pick up a few books. Here is a quick read on three basic concepts of behaviorism that I think will help you along the way:
• People tend to open up in situations where they feel safe and are filled with a sense of ‘belonging’ (Abraham Maslow).
• With the correct stimulus, people respond to verbal reinforcement with nearly unerring uniformity (B.F. Skinner); and,
• People can be conditioned to respond to new stimuli in a very short period of time (Ivan Pavlov/Carl Jung).

Armed with a little knowledge you’ll see why people are affected by things that otherwise seem so insignificant. For instance, if you are confronted by frowns, respond with smiles. If the other side comes to the negotiating table grumbling and mumbling, speak clearly and brightly. If people seem closed off with folded hands and arms, open yours. It takes practice and concentration, but the work is worth it.

My point is this: if there is any time where human behavior is predictable, it is while we are at the negotiation table hashing out a deal. Use that knowledge to your advantage and watch your negotiating partner – and yourself – very carefully.

Gary H. Bedian is an investment advisor and the founder of Bedian International.  He manages and consults on assets and investment portfolios representing more than $1.2 billion in capitalization.